Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Today I want to talk about a kind of lonely that surprised me. The kind that doesn't go away when the room is full. After Gary died, I could be surrounded by people who loved me and still feel completely alone. For a long time I didn't understand why. Company helped for a little while, and then the visit would end, everyone would go home, and the empty feeling came back sharper than before. It took me a while to figure out what was really going on. It...
5 days ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, The 4th of July was this weekend. Gary loved it. He was the biggest playbabe you ever saw on the 4th. So this week I've been missing him, and thinking about something that's been sitting heavy on me. Here it is. Being a widow isn't a season you finish. It's a long road. And when you look up and try to find the end of it, there isn't one. It just keeps going. Some days that's the hardest part of all. Not this Tuesday. Not next Wednesday. The whole long...
12 days ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Today I want to tell you about something I got wrong for a long time — and what finally changed when I stopped fighting so hard. When Gary died, I was sure grief was something I would eventually get through. If I talked it out, kept busy, worked hard, journaled, held myself together well enough for long enough — surely it would fade. It does not work that way. I spent a long time trying to stay one step ahead of the pain, and the whole time, grief was...
19 days ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Today I want to tell you about someone who didn't show up — and what she taught me without ever saying a word. A little while ago, a widow booked a call with me. She decided, yes, I need this. And when the moment came, she couldn't pick up the phone. I couldn't stop thinking about her. Not because she didn't come — that happens — but because I'm fairly sure I know exactly what stopped her. It's the same thing that stopped me, more than once, in my early...
26 days ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Today I want to talk about a question I asked myself over and over in my early grief: am I actually getting anywhere, or just circling the same pain? Maybe you know the feeling. You've cried. You've walked. You've gotten through days you didn't think you could survive. And then you look around and wonder if any of it changed anything at all. The ache is still there. The silence still sounds the same. Here is what I have come to believe — and it...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Today I want to talk about a sentence I said over and over in my first year: "I'm okay." I wasn't. Maybe you know this moment. Someone asks how you are, and you can feel what they want the answer to be. So you give it to them. You smile. You nod. You say you're fine, because explaining the truth feels like more than you can carry in a grocery store aisle. And then somewhere along the way, a quieter question creeps in: shouldn't I be better by now? I...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Today I want to talk about change. So much has shifted in the last week. The trees came in full. The grass is growing faster than I can keep up with. Summer is here. Change keeps coming. And when you are widowed, even the small changes feel bigger than they used to. I wrote a blog about why that is, and what I have come to believe about it. You can read it here: Change Keeps Coming ✦ Just for You ✦ Something to Try If today feels full of change, try...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Today is a day that means different things to different people. Some of you are carrying a grief that this country pauses for. Some of you are not. Some of you are at a cookout right now. Some of you could not bring yourself to go. All of you are welcome here. Memorial Day has a strange shape for widows. The whole country is talking about loss for one day. The whole country is thinking about people who are gone. And we live in that air every day of the...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, There is something I want to talk to you about today. Something the world will not tell you. Something your own mind has probably been doing to you for a long time. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it. This weekend, I crossed a number I never thought I would reach. I am not going to tell you what the number is here. But I will tell you this. For the first two years after Gary's last breath, I counted every single day. I knew the number without...
2 months ago • 1 min read