Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, The first year after Gary died, our toaster stopped working. I needed a new one. Simple enough, right? I spent well over fifty hours looking for a replacement. I knew how strange that sounded. I also knew I couldn’t seem to choose. The longer I looked, the more the decision seemed to matter. Have you had a choice like that? One that looked small to everyone else but left you second-guessing yourself? I wrote about what happened with the toaster, and...
8 days ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, When someone asks how the family is doing, do you find yourself telling them about everyone else first? You may know how the kids are coping. You may know who needs a phone call, what paperwork is waiting, and which plans need to be made. But when the question finally turns to you, the answer can be harder to find. That has been on my mind this week. When you have spent so much time looking after others, it can feel strange to ask what you need. It can...
15 days ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Saturday was my 40th wedding anniversary. And today marks 41 years since Gary and I went on our first date. Forty-one years ago today, I was 18 years old and going on a blind date with a man I had never met. I was home by 10:00. My mother took one look at me and said, “Oh, I see you’re home early. It must have been a bad date.” I told her, “No, it wasn’t a bad date. I’m going to marry him.” And I did. Anniversaries are different now These two...
22 days ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Have you ever been too tired to think clearly, then found yourself wide awake when you finally had the chance to sleep? The next morning still arrives. People still need answers. And because you keep showing up, they may have no idea how much it’s taking out of you. I’ve been thinking about the distance between getting things done and having enough left in you to keep doing them. It can be especially hard to talk about when everyone sees you managing. I...
29 days ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, I have a question for you. How is “I’m fine” like an umbrella? I know. It's a strange comparison. On the surface, they have absolutely nothing to do with each other. One is something you say when someone asks how you’re doing. The other keeps you dry when it rains. But recently, I realized they have something very important in common. Two words I got very good at saying “I’m fine.” Sometimes I meant it. Sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes it was simply the...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi friend, Have you ever repeated something about yourself so often that it stopped sounding like a thought—and started sounding like the truth? Maybe it is something about what you can handle, how well you are keeping up, or who you have become since your husband died. But what if the thought your mind keeps offering you is not the whole story? What if there is more to see? Some thoughts feel so familiar that we rarely stop to question them. We accept them, build...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Your husband died. You're a professional. And the question won't stop screaming in your head: How much of my grief do I show and still be seen as competent? The answer might surprise you. I had to figure this out when the heat went out in my office and I faced a situation I wasn't ready for. What I learned about that conversation—and what I asked for instead of what I confessed—might change how you think about telling your boss you're a widow. This week I'm wrote...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom After my husband died, people crossed my lines because they did not know where those lines were. And honestly, sometimes I did not know either. Grief changed so much about me. What I could handle. What I wanted to talk about. How much energy I had. Even what I needed from the people who loved me. A boundary is simply knowing what is okay for you and what is not. Then you tell the other person. I had a friend who kept asking when I was going to get back to...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Greetings From Ember & Bloom Hi there, I've been thinking a lot about the widows I talk with who are leaders. Superintendents. Nurses. Accountants. The ones holding families together while their own world has shifted. And there's something they all say to me. Most of us believe we have to make a choice: either we show up for work, or we grieve. Either we're strong, or we're falling apart. Either we hold it together, or we break. But what if that's not the choice at all? What if grief isn't...
2 months ago • 1 min read