Greetings From

Ember & Bloom

After my husband died, people crossed my lines because they did not know where those lines were.

And honestly, sometimes I did not know either.

Grief changed so much about me.

What I could handle.

What I wanted to talk about.

How much energy I had.

Even what I needed from the people who loved me.

A boundary is simply knowing what is okay for you and what is not.

Then you tell the other person.

I had a friend who kept asking when I was going to get back to “normal.”

Finally, I told her that I could not go back to the Old Gladys. That person did not exist anymore.

I needed her to stop asking me to be who I was before Gary died.

That was a boundary.

I was not telling her what she had to do.

I was telling her what I needed and what I would do if that line kept being crossed.

That difference matters.

Your grief belongs to you.

Your time belongs to you.

Your energy belongs to you.

And you are allowed to decide what you have to give.

In my blog titled What Are Boundaries and Why Widows Need Them, I talk about what a boundary really is and why boundaries can become so important after your person dies.

I also share a simple way to create one, including the part that can be the hardest: following through.

If you have ever felt guilty for saying no, stepping away, or asking someone to stop, I hope you will read it.

Something to Try

Nature has a way of settling your nervous system when boundaries feel hard.

This week, spend ten minutes in nature. Not to fix anything or process anything. Just to be there.

Take a ten-minute walk. Sit in the park with your coffee. Water your flowers. Watch for birds.

Let the quiet do the work.

You have changed.

Of course you have.

Your person died, and you are learning who you are in a life you never asked for.

You are allowed to protect yourself and the person you are becoming.

And if you are trying to figure out what you need, I would be glad to sit with you.

Holding the Ember is my free 45 minute conversation for widows. There are no expectations. It is simply a place to talk about where you are and what you might need next.

Book your free Holding the Ember conversation here:

I'll meet you here again next Monday. Until then, take one small breath and know that it is enough.

Hugs 💜💚
— Gladys